19 June 2012

People Never Change. Converse: Part Two.

I see you're at it again. Does it make you happy?

I don't know what you're talking about. No wait. I've already tried that route with you. It never works. Yeah. I know what you're talking about, but I would like you to stop pestering me about it.

Isn't that my job? To keep picking away at the little things until you see the bigger picture?

I don't know what your job is supposed to be. I think it's just to be there when I call.

So I'm useless.

No. You're supposed to be there for me.

But you never call.

I do... on occasion.

Mostly you don't. So I'm jumping in where I think I'm needed. We're getting off track. The point is that you have a growing conflict in your heart. We need to pick that apart.

No we don't. We've dissected this a thousand times and every single time we get the same answer. The answer isn't going to change simply because we doubt our dissection of the problem.

You want the past back. You can't have it back. Therefore the answer is no.

Right. Every single time we dissect this, that will be the answer. That will be the basic thought process and it will never lead to a yes.

Maybe that's not the right process. Maybe that's not the right answer.

Well then we come to our other, more complicated process, where it comes down to a judgement of character. Is the subject changing? Has the subject changed enough to where we could replicate what was once living? We can't answer these questions, so therefore our answer is a defaulted no, due to inconclusive evidences.

Maybe we can answer those questions, you're just too afraid to admit that you know the answers.

Why would I be afraid to answer them?

Because then you're getting into deep thought. And well, you're not one for complex thought, now are you?

Well thanks. Aren't you sweet?

I'm just saying, you don't want to get too deep into this and I don't know why. You have the mental capacity to do so. There's nothing wrong with thinking about it.

I'm just afraid of what I might find. What if that message was an olive branch to us? What if it was from  our dear subject and we're supposed to somehow reciprocate it? I don't know if I can do that.

You can, you just don't know if you want to. You don't know if any of it would be worth it to put yourself through again.

Exactly. ... That's not particularly new.

Well. I suppose it's new in a way. The trust in our dear subject will constantly change, whether it be in a positive or negative light. The answer to that question will continually change.

I don't know if I can trust in this again.

Then there's your answer. Why continue to mull it over?

I... I don't know...

Because it's not what you want. You want to be able to trust again, but you can't. Your mind knows it wouldn't be smart. Your mind knows that it's a stupid answer and would never work out again. But your heart.... no, your heart lives in denial. It lives in a world where everyone gets infinite chances and life is sunshine and rainbows. You know it, your heart knows it, your brain knows it. You can't deny that this major conflict prevents you from moving on.


In a way, it's a wonderful place to be. You don't have to move. You can just sit here and wait for her move. The ball is kind of in the other court, anyway.

Then I wait. Again. As usual.

... There's not much else to do.

There never really is.