What do you mean?
This. Forcing yourself to remember
things you can't control. Investigating into the world of
possibilities you are nowhere close to having for yourself.
Look, I'm just bored. It's nothing. I'm
fine.
Yeah for now. I don't care if it'll
hurt your feelings. I'm sick of being here as your fall-back for when
all your friends are asleep and you have no one to talk to.
Okay, sure. I'm a little melancholy.
There's no reason to freak out over this. So just... Let me get back
to what I'm doing.
And what's that?
Browsing. Just browsing.
Yeah, uh-huh. Then what will that turn
into?
Nothing. It won't turn into anything.
You can't just deny the fact that
you're jealous.
What are you talking about?
It's like we're playing one big game of
House and you're currently losing.
I didn't realize you could lose at
“House.” Even as a kid, as long as you were happy, that's all
that mattered.
Yeah, that's exactly it. Are you happy?
Not as happy as I COULD be, no.
Well then you're slipping, dear. That
is enough to say that you're on the path to losing this game.
Look, I'm happy for those who have the
things I don't, okay? Besides, when life is like playing House and
you're living life like a list, it gets really fake. Who is to say
that I want my life to be fake? Who is to say that I want life to be
a list of things I would like to do, that I check off occasionally as
things happen?
It probably could be, honestly. The way
your life works, it wouldn't be a bad idea. And aside from that,
you're obviously jealous, which, last time I checked, is far
different from “happy.”
Shut up. I don't have a life like that.
And I'm not jealous.
Woah, just making suggestions. You
don't have to be crazy over it. Isn't that why we're talking here? So
I can give you ideas and you can bounce back with another idea?
Brainstorming. Problem Solving. This is what we do.
You're attacking again. You do that.
This isn't about me. Look, I'm sorry
things suck right now. Is that what you want to hear?
No. That's not going to help. You know,
I was fine until you brought all of this up.
It's because I know you're not truly
happy. You can only deceive yourself for so long before you just...
just get tired of life.
You're not helping. So yeah, I accept
your sympathy over my problems. Does that help YOU feel better about
yourself? Does that help YOU accept your faults?
I don't think you're frustrated with
your faults.
What are you talking about?
You're frustrated because you were
dealt a terrible hand by people you were supposed to trust. You're
frustrated over things you can't control. If anything, that's more
productive than just hating everything that's wrong with you.
I don't know what to say.
Okay, I admit, that last part came out
wrong. But you know what I mean. You don't concern yourself with
self-esteem issues because you are so beyond them. You've got bigger
things to worry about. Why waste time hating yourself when you can
waste time trying to fix problems that are mostly out of your
control?
Is this supposed to be a pep talk? I'm
lost. You're not improving my mood at all, so if it is a pep talk,
you're crashing hard.
It's supposed to get you in line. It's
not supposed to make you feel good. It's supposed to wake you up.
You're just telling me things I already
know; things I ignore for a reason. I don't understand how this is
supposed to wake me up.
I just think you're supposed to do
something, go out and take ACTION.
I've done all I can do. I tried.
Then stop worrying about it.
I wasn't worrying until you brought it
up.
You were. Maybe not on the outside, and
maybe not in your thoughts, but in your subconscious, there rests
that part of you, a rather large part, that isn't capable to accept
any of this.
Well would you be able to? The last
half of my life has been a nightmare.
Change that.
I can't. We've talked about this. My
life is essentially in the hands of a small group of people, all of
which have different ideas of what my life should be. I can either
accept it and move with their plans, or fight. If I fight, I lose
almost everything. If I give in, I lose myself.
Then fight. You can gain other things
back, but you can't get yourself back.
I know. I'm trying.
Day by day, right?
As much as I can.
Well. I'm sorry that you're losing.
I don't think I'm losing.
What do you mean?
I just think I've stopped. My life is
on pause.
Pause?
Yeah. I've reached the point where I
can't go any higher by myself. I just gotta find someone to help me.
And what's the problem with the people
who are trying to help you now?
As stated before, they all have
different ideas of what my life should be.
And?
And they're tearing me to pieces.
I'm sorry.
We're beyond sympathy now.
I can still say I'm sorry.
Yeah well I'm sorry too.
Good luck.
Is that all you have to say now?
Honestly? Yes.
Thanks for trying.
Yeah. It's what I'm here for.