Nadine

She carried her little broken backpack and walked along the beach, sighing as the shells in the sand poked the undersides of her feet. Maybe she would remember what it was like to be happy one of these days. Pushing the windblown tangles of red hair from her face, she looked straight ahead, observing where she was going. The cliffside much further ahead could be reached by a simple pathway that came up from the beach and climbed up the hillside.
“Nadine... hey...” A voice said slowly, as it approached her. A wave hit the shore just as she stopped walking.
She didn't move her eyes from the cliffside path ahead. She waited, wiping the dried sand from her fingers. Starting at the fingertips, the small freckled hands began to tremble.
“Don't worry, its just me.” The soft voice said, even louder this time. Nadine stared at the path, waiting for the voice to speak again.
“Its Jude, remember?” the voice physicalized itself in her mind. She hadn't seen him in years, but suddenly, the image of a familiar man came to her; Lanky body, brown eyes, sandy hair, and a smile to die for.
“Dear god, could it be you?” Nadine finally spoke, the words falling out of her mouth as though they weren't actually meant to be said. “Three years, now, right?”
Jude attempted to smile, but the most he could get was a stretched line across his face. Nadine could hear his footsteps as he walked closer, the sound of the cold sand giving way under his large feet seemed to crunch. He placed a hand on her shoulder. Her body tightened quickly.
“Yeah, something like that. Come here.” Jude said. He turned her shoulder around to have her face him, but her feet refused to move from their spots. He let go.
“Can't face me?” Jude muttered. Nadine could feel something bubbling in her stomach as he spoke, like each word stirred up a demon inside of her. She breathed, carefully counting to ten in her thoughts.
Nadine turned around, carefully lifting each foot and then placing it back in the sand.
“Your mother told me you had come here to escape...” Jude started, but he didn't finish. “...I thought I'd come by and tell you that I'm home. For good, this time. I promise. I'm staying here in Italy for as long as I can.”
“And what does that have to do with me?” Nadine spoke, her voice seemingly fractured into tiny, sharp pieces. “You don't need me anymore.”
“But that's not true.” Jude admitted, though his voice was layered with doubt. “I didn't need you back then. I need you now.”
Nadine turned back toward the cliffside path and began to walk, though her legs felt weighted down. She rubbed her salty face and breathed in deeply, the sea air stinging her windpipe.
Jude followed closely behind her. “Nadine, I mean it. My work has been done. I don't owe anyone anymore, I took care of everything.”
Nadine stopped, but the fight to keep moving raged onward. She turned around to face him, folding her arms across her chest and glaring into the sand.
“Jude, you gave up a lot for a big fat scheme... You gave up your family, your home.” Nadine stated, the gloom pouring out of every word. “For what? Three years of fame and fortune? Then you fell so hard... How could you put all your trust in money?”
Jude stepped back, not sure how to respond. Nadine continued walking, quickly taking the first few steps up the cliffside path.
“Wait, Nadine... I promise I took care of things.” Jude shouted, reaching out to her. “I paid off the sharks. I faked my death. I'm swimmin' with the fishes, as far as they know.”
“You wished for someone to love, you got me. You then wished for money, so you could do what you pleased...” Nadine said aggressively, wiping salty tears from her dry face. “Now, in the end, all you can make wishes for are swimming and fishes.”
She turned back around and stormed up the hill path, Jude following close behind. He quickly grabbed her to a stop, his hands wrapped completely around her thin arms.
“Nadine, I know I have a rough past, but please, I need you. I'm telling you this as honestly as I can. You know me... I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't mean it.”
“I knew you once, Jude.” She scowled, pulling away from him. Her broken backpack hit him across the face as she flung her arms out from his grasp. “I don't know you anymore. What happened?”
“Nadine...”
“First you tell me that we're going to be rich, live together in a villa on the shore and eat fancy every night. Then you tell me that we're over, we're through, that you never loved me and even saying goodbye is too much to ask. I'm told that, in my time of most need, you can't feel for me in the slightest, even though my heart was being ripped out. Next thing I hear, you've been in America, screwing up big time and digging yourself into a pit.” Nadine yelled, but then quickly became calm.
“Then I hear you've been asking for me. You've been legitimately asking for me; wondering where I am, talking to my parents and finding out where my new apartment is. When does it stop, Jude?”
His eyes looked into hers for a moment, before the piercing glares she sent him made the contact too much to bear.
She climbed a few stairs more before she stopped and turned back around. “I'd love to love you, Jude. But I won't be abandoned again.”
“I couldn't tell you goodbye.” He said.
Nadine rolled her eyes and continued up the steep stairs.
“You couldn't do it because I had been so great to you? Did I ever mean much at all, Jude?” She stormed up the stairs, finally reaching the top of the cliff. Looking ahead, there was only 300 feet between her and the edge.
“You meant everything to me. You just... stopped meaning everything for a little while, when I focused on other things.”
“Things like money.” Nadine said. Jude stepped up over the last step and stood directly behind her.
“You would always talk about what you would do if you had three wishes.” Nadine sighed, feeling her tension slowly releasing itself.
“Three wishes, one to get rich, one to get the woman of my dreams, and one to keep in case of emergency.” He said, slowly rolling over every word, like a piece of sacred text.
“My three wishes, Jude, are much different.” She said.
“What are they?”
“They're much like what you DID with your three wishes.” Nadine sighed, though Jude didn't understand what she meant.
“Come with me. You need to see this.” Nadine said.
She lead him to the edge of the cliff, and sat down, her legs dangling over the jagged rocks in the ocean below. Jude stood beside her, looking out on the horizon.
Nadine looked up at him, her hair being blown out of her face by the salted wind.
“Sit.” She said.
Jude looked down at her and carefully crossed his legs about a foot away from the edge.
“Look, below.” Nadine began. “The ocean is filled with knives.”
He peered carefully over the edge, uneasiness filling his stomach as he peeked at the jagged rocks below.
“Knives?”
“Well, they might as well be knives.” Nadine sighed. “I stared at the bottom for so long... I never had the ability to jump, though.”
Jude stood up quickly, pulling her up too, and taking her away from the edge.
“You wanted to jump?”
“When you left, sure. I had thought about it.” Nadine stated bluntly. “But now, I just stare. I had thought that I loved you. I truly thought I loved you.”
Jude sighed and looked into the sky. His eyes appeared to be swelling with tears, though none fell from their ducts.
“Nadine, I'm sorry. I might as well have pushed you off the cliff myself...” He held her hand, intertwining her fingers with his.
Nadine looked into his eyes, no longer angry. “You're lucky I didn't jump.”
“I'm lucky you didn't for so many more reasons than just the guilt, Nadine... I have a chance to see you again, and that is all I could ask for at this point.”
“I thought you wanted me back.”
“I do, Nadine. But I can't force you to accept my poor plea.”
She carefully observed the worried cracks and wrinkles in his skin, now slowly becoming wet with silent tears.
“You love me, don't you?”
Jude took her other hand too, and nodded slowly. “I shouldn't have ever given up on you.“
Nadine stared out at the cliffside for a moment, smiled, and then turned her face back to him.
“The loan sharks really think you're dead? They really think you've flown off to heaven or sunk down into hell?”
“Yes. I promise you that.”
Nadine closed her eyes for a moment, and breathed in the salty air. She pulled her hands from his, and then went to her backpack, carefully setting it down on the cliff's thick grass.
“Here, let's sit on this blanket. Just for a moment.”
Jude smiled, letting her unfold the plaid quilt. She placed it on the ground, about ten good feet from the cliff's edge.
Nadine quickly sat, legs crossed, on the blanket and faced the open ocean. She felt Jude's soft hands glide across her shoulders until his arm was around her, holding her close.
“Jude, I still love you.” She said flatly.
He smiled. “I know. I love you too.”
She looked over the cliffside, never making eye contact with him. Jude leaned over and kissed her cheek, but still she didn't move.
“I'll take you back, sure.” Nadine stated. “But you owe me. You have no idea how much pain I suffered without you.”
Jude smiled and hugged her close. “I know, I know. I'm sorry.”
“I mean it, Jude.” Nadine said, blinking rapidly as her body tensed up again. “You will never know true abandonment like I did.”
Jude pressed his cheek against the top of her head, the smile still smeared across his face. He held her tightly against himself and spoke slowly. “I'm sorry, Nadine. I mean it.”
“Yeah. I know.” She said, seemingly unfazed. ”I'm tired, Jude. I want to lay down.”
He quickly let go of her, and laid down across the blanket, holding out his arms for her to join him.
“Thank you.” Nadine said, monotony striking every word.
“I love you.” He whispered, as she laid her head on the blanket, staring directly into his eyes.
“Jude, the last wish in your three wishes...”
“Yeah? Its always for emergencies.”
“What makes an emergency?” Nadine said. Her eyes went dull.
“I don't know. I suppose it would be used at a time of my greatest emotional or physical trial.”
She trailed her eyes from him and looked into the sky.
“You owe me.” She stated again. He laughed.
“I promise, We'll spend the rest of time together. It'll make it up.” Jude smiled. Nadine did not.
“Let's sleep.” Nadine commanded rather than suggested.
He closed his eyes and held her hands. “I agree. Its so hot out... I'm drained of energy...”
She didn't close her eyes. She waited.

-xxx-

We'd be so less fragile
If we're made from metal
And our hearts from iron
And our minds from steel
And if we built an armor
For our tender bodies
Could we love each other?
Would we stop to feel?

You say you want to know her like a lover
And undo her damage, she'll be new again
Soon you'll find that if you try to save her
It renews her anger
You will never win

-xxx-

When he heard the rustling of grass, he assumed she had just gotten up to use the restroom or something. He didn't open his eyes until he stopped hearing the rustling, when the world went silent in the eeriest of ways.
Standing quickly, he could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins. His hands trembled and his eyes blinked rapidly. Jude rubbed his eyes, the crust of salt and sleep falling from them.
He peered over the edge, the knives of the ocean sticking up into the sky.
The mangled body at the end of the points screamed at him. He scrambled back to the blanket, where he found the note.
Signed carefully on a scrap piece of paper, Nadine's final words left him with nothing but love and revenge.

You want three wishes,
One to fly to heaven
One to swim like fishes
and one you're saving for a rainy day...

For if your lover ever takes her love away.

Far Too Easily Haunted.

If you think about it,
I am far too easily haunted.

I sleep all day and play all night.
Yet it is always a surprising delight,
To find that, again, a person might,
Spend their time causing me fright.

Living or dead makes the difference, not.
Their breath be cool or aura, hot.
Anyone who will, let my mind rot.
And visit me, until you are caught.

But if you choose to stay, you may
I will never tell you to go away
Company is Company, as I say.
Alone no more, if you would stay.

Silly to say, I've grown fond of you
Or at least, the image my head makes me see

When I'm too far to really be near you.

- Lillian Sinclair
To George

Titaníco

Estoy triste.

Mi amor, Élla se ahogó en la mañana antes yo me despertó.
Ella se sentí el frío.
Pienso ella estaba mas frío que hielo cuando ella morí.

Frío.

A veces, el mundo hace frío.
en temperatura
y en el corazones de humanas.

el mundo no puede ser controlado.
Pero... mi corazón puede.

yo olvidaré quién eres tu.
Porque te amo, y yo no quiero doler.

Nunca más.

Esta es tu indicio.

"All along I was searching for my Lenore."

I Am Sine

It has to be numerical. Everything has to be numerical.

Numbers can encourage feelings when attached to a meaning. You've just won 3,000 dollars. Nice, right? Change that number to 4,000,000. I bet you would be even happier still.

Change up the meaning a little. You've just been handed your electricity bill. The only thoughts you can think are along the lines of "dear god, I probably should stop running the heater when I can snuggle up with a blanket." Then you open the bill. Two hundred and nine dollars and fifty seven cents. The national average is about $95.66.

But the numbers stay the same. $209.57 No matter what way you write them, they are the same.

I keep the numerical value of physical pain. Ten counts for the Thanksgiving incident, nine in total for the Boy who Found Me, and two for Doctor Yellow Shirt, whose name is neither important nor worth the time to remember.

My best friend is a girl I grew up with since we were about 5. I used to be able to stay away from her when times got rough, but after a while, she and I needed each other. I miss her terribly sometimes, or rather, I miss the way she used to be. I like her the way she is now. I just hate that she makes me count.

I count the numerical value of everything of hers. It is all kept on a record in the back of my mind. Her eyes are a perfect ten. She doesn't use them because she finds it cruel to intentionally draw people in simply because she used her eyes. She says its not fair that people can be drawn to her, and that she is aware as to why they come for her. She tells me sometimes that if people are to be drawn to her, she wants them to come on their own, not because she used some trick of showing them her soul behind the eyes.

I never understood. But I let her tell me stories of it, so she could believe what she wanted about her eyes.

I have never seen them, so I couldn't tell her whether or not she was right. I can't even look into my own eyes.

Somehow, everything in my head is her. I suppose it does me better than it does for her. If she were constantly thinking about herself, she wouldn't have half the friends around her that she does. I guess I simply absorbed her selfishness and turned it into a devotion to her. I can't explain why. In a way, I put all my eggs in one basket.

Except the eggs are actually pieces of me, what little personality I decide to hold, and the basket is her mind. I let her know I'm here, just for the taste of freedom from emotion.

Sadly, I will have to leave her one day. She is not a number to me, and like things that are more subjective, she will change in a way that will force me out. She can become a statistic, a number, just as she already has been to many other people in the world, but for me, she will never be a number. The only things that I will number are the things that she does that I can help with.

She is not a number to me. She is my other half.

The Lotus of Knowledge

His heart pounded, blood rushing through him as he felt the keys slipping in his sweaty palms.

"YOUR CODE, SIR." the robotic voice called into the incinerator. His arms shook violently as he attempted to unlock the door.

"FIVE MINUTES TO INCINERATION."

He held his keys close to him, inspecting each one, but no matter what way he held them, no matter how he looked at them, the words only blurred.

"Dammit!" He screamed in desperation. The circular metal room began to heat up. He could feel the crackling heat rise from the floor. He dropped the keys. Looking at the door's complex lock, He knew the keys were worthless. They wouldn't work here, not like they had for all the other rooms.

He reached, out of habit, to pick up the keys, but his shaking vision altered his depth perception. The loud computer voice rang out into the incinerator once again.

"FOUR MINUTES TO INCINERATION. PLEASE ENTER YOUR CANCELLATION CODE."

Cancellation code? His pulse seemed about ready to burst as he ran around the room, looking for something, anything, that would get him out of the incinerator. He stormed the large metal prison, until he found an odd machine atop a pedestal on the catwalk of the incinerator dome.

It looked like a credit card machine, however, the only thing on it was a number pad and a screen. The green lettering shone innocently from the screen's surface.

"CANCELLATION CODE PLEASE." the sign read.

He rejoiced, the adrenaline slowing in his veins, and holding the machine, he finally felt the ray of hope he had been searching for.

"TWO MINUTES TO INCINERATION. YOUR CANCELLATION CODE NOTE IS UNDER THE MACHINE."

It hit him across the face like a heavy book. He had no idea what the cancellation code was, nor had he the slightest idea what it could have been, but he quickly reached under the machine for a slip of paper, carefully folded into a little square. He ripped it open, hurrying in.

"What does God want? Does God want goodness or the choice of goodness? Is a man who chooses the bad perhaps in some way better than a man who has the good imposed upon him?"

A quote from a book he'd faced many times; A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess.

He looked at the quote carefully, though the blurred vision from the adrenaline rushes proved to be detrimental. His face seemed to scrunch together, as though the note was hard to see.

Sure he had read the book several times, but who was to say that the answer to the question had anything to do with the location of the quote? Who was to say that the quote had absolutely nothing to do with the book other than to pose a question that both answered the cancellation code's request, the biblical definition of what God would want, and the plot structure of the original story.

His mind raced, the computer voice announcing the last minute before it all burned.

He wiped the sweat from his brow, waiting for the heat to blast out of the burners in the ground. His demise overwhelmingly presented itself, flaunting as though to mock his short life left if he could not find out the code.

Sweat beads dripped down his face. He could feel his eyes becoming wider and wider with every second. What does God want? What does God want?

In an instant, he felt the hit of a Revelation.

21-4, He typed into the machine.

He closed his eyes as a white light enveloped him, and he was Saved. He walked toward the bright sky, dropping the note to the ground, his face beaming with light, and the book no longer on his mind.

Nothing but Flowers

Inspired by Nina Merry.
This one is for her.

-

I watched the red-orange sky as the tall grass tickled my face. My hands moved around it, the light wind pillowing the abnormally green pasture. My hand brushed against his. Though the day was warm, his hands seemed clammy with fear.

“You okay?” I spoke quietly. My voice seemed more mouse-like than I had expected, as though it weren't even my voice. Sitting up from the hillside, I brushed the fallen strands of hair out of my face, but with my back to the wind, it was difficult.

“Yeah. I'm... as fine as any man would be at the end of the world.”

I looked out into the sky. The sun was gone already, but the fire of the rest of the planets coming to their supernova state lit up the sky with blood.

The man sighed. I blinked a few times before the clouds began clearing, moving across the sky so quickly that they could hardly be seen anymore.

I laid back down to the earth. The fear of death made way to enlightening peace. I held the man's hand.

“You are a sweet young lady.” The man cleared his throat and gripped tightly on my tiny hands.

“Thank you, sir.” I whispered. The wind began to dance more wildly as though to send us more warning.

The horizon began turning purple while the sky straight above me stayed orange. Stars visible in the entire sky illuminated the middle section a bright red as they felt the strains of extreme pressure, as though they would soon burst.

“Why did you save me back there?” My voice felt unfamiliar even still. “I don't know you... and... well you could have died in the rioting.”

The man loosened his grip on my hand. I breathed deeply.

“I saw you there, and felt as though it was best you didn't see the end that way.”

Though I did not trust him, the view of the sky was breathtaking, despite the obvious end of it all. Not to mention, he did indeed save me from the last-minute looters ravaging the city streets. Out here, I could feel the last beautiful graces of the earth before we all passed away. Unsure of whether I should thank him for saving me, or question him for ulterior motives, I stayed quiet, taking in the sky and its deep colors.

“You don't trust me.” He sighed, as though he read my mind. “And I understand. I just think you should see the earth one last time in its greatness.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath through my nose. I could smell the fires of the city behind us, while simultaneously picking up the scents of rain in front of us. Around us, the smell of daisies sat close.

I made a decision. “Thank you, sir.”

My fingers closed around his big hands and squeezed gently. I could feel the positivity radiating from him, an excellent way to finish this life.

“How do you think this world will finally end?” I questioned, my voice cracking.

“You scared?”

“I wasn't at first... but...” I admitted shyly.

“Its okay.” The man responded. “The world will end in flowers.”

I sat up again and looked the man in the eyes. “End in flowers?” I questioned.

He laughed and sat up with me. Wrapping his arms around my shoulders, he gave me a hug, then pointed out to the skies.

“Each of those planets is going to explode.” He started. Chills went down my back, but he continued anyway. “And when they do, flowers are going to rain down on us.”

His eyes seemed so genuine, so sincere. He was either an artist or just insane. I hoped it was the first one, and wrapped my arms around him as well.

His chest radiated warmth as I buried my face in his embrace. I felt tears, though I could not be certain if they had come from him or myself. I felt my face, only to find I had been their maker. I tightly wrapped myself around the man, and screamed.

He held tightly back and let me throw my tantrum, before finally lifting my head and pointing out an engorged planet in the sky.

“Look!” He screamed, the wind nearly blocking out his voice entirely. “I think its starting!”

It had begun to rain from the far off clouds. The wind had carried the droplets over to us. The strength of the wind could have probably lifted us up into the sky, but luckily it did not take us anywhere further than where we sat. The hot rain melted over me as the planets in the sky began to shake.

I pushed the hair out of my face as it billowed in the torrents of wind and rain. The sky turned bright red, lingering beside from the purple horizon. A tiny planet behind all the rest shook violently against the bloodied backdrop as it came close to its doom. I squeezed tightly against the man.

The planet burst with an explosive scream. The pieces of burning planet shattered everywhere, falling from the sky toward us. I gripped the man's shoulder as he held tightly to my waist. I couldn't bring myself to watch any longer, and tightly shut my eyes against his chest. He felt warm.

“The flowers! The flowers!” he screamed in delight. I opened my eyes, but stared down into the dirt below us.

“Flowers?!” I yelled. He let go of me and stood up.

I watched him stagger toward the horizon, though he didn't move far before the wind blew him down.

“Look at them bloom!”

I gazed into the sky as ash began raining over us. All I could see were pieces of planet, ablaze and ready to collide with the helpless planet earth. One by one, the pieces began looming closer, until one slammed itself to the ground.

“They're not flowers!” I screamed, my voice shaking and cracked with emotion.

“Look at them as an artist!” He shouted, the conviction shaking in his hands. “Do not see with your eyes, my dear!”

I curled up in a ball and buried my tightly closed eyes into my knees.

“Its all over!” I yelled. “There is no beauty left here!”

Suddenly, I felt his hands on my shoulders. I jumped up, but his hands remained there.

“Look closer!”

I blinked before I finally lifted my head and watched another planet burst. Two more exploded in succession. I screamed, but the sound wouldn't escape my throat.

The burning bits of rock began misshaping themselves. I stopped screaming for a moment to stare at the pieces of planets coming toward us. One of them looked like a rose.

“Its... Its a rose!” I screamed. “And over there!”

I pointed out another piece of rock as it turned into a blossoming daisy, like ones I would have picked when I was a child.

“A daisy!” the man yelled back.

I staggered forward in the wind and ash, the droplets of far off rain still penetrating my skin. I could have cared less. The flowers were all I wanted, the last moments of beauty as our world ended.

“They're making bouquets.” He said, moving forward with me. “Proof! The world is ending!”

Gazing into the burning sky, I could see the pieces of planets start to move together, around each other and forming a bundle. The flowers slowly revealed themselves, ablaze and ready to bring their grace to the earth.

Then when all the planets in sight, aside from Jupiter, had exploded, I knew that the beauty wouldn't last.

“Jupiter will end us all.” He said, softly, holding me close. “Planets exploding leave nothing but flowers.”

“I will remember that.” I said. “They're far too beautiful to forget.”

“Remember that instead of any pain.” He whispered softly in my ear.

I stared out into the sky as the biggest planet became the biggest bouquet of lily flowers I had ever seen.

And all I could remember was the beauty of the earth as it died.

One day I was walking...

and I came upon a sheep.

the sheep told me I could have its wool.

And to share it with you.

So I sheered the wool from the sheep.

And I made it into a hat.

Then I constructed another hat.

and I gave it to you.